Independence & Happiness
A thought for the boyI need my independence, just like you. But I also, at the very same time, need not to be alone. I am strong, but what friends give is different from what a partner can give; what a partner can give you. And to me, that's invaluable. That's what I want, and what I want is you. Yeps.
The timing is bad, but the timing is gonna be bad for ages yet.
But you'd have to want it. You'd have to want me, truely. Underneath all the scaredy-cat-ness, the frustrating communication barrier, and whatever else, I know I love you. But I don't think I'd even be trying if I really thought you didn't feel the same.
Some thoughts about 2006
I'm just writing this for my own needs right now, and for my own reference later on. Which is more or less the reasoning behind everything I ever right. Yeah okay, it's totally self-centric. And I've realised it does my head in sometimes; reading what I've written previously and knowing that other people have read it too. But that's a mini-sacrifice. Because in order to write, I have to assume it will be read. Writing for my own eyes, writing things never to be read by anyone other myself doesn't cut it for me. The things I don't want to publish generally never get written, nor get released from my system. It's the way it is.
There's creation in release. And creation should be shared. (Sounds pretentious.. agreed).
Urm. There we go, that was a classic GrumStyle detour from the plot. A little divergance from the plan.
2006 then.
Suffered the first couple of months of the year, rotting away in Stirling earning £4.75 an hour and digging my way further into a cute little hole. My great plan to move to Glasgow was thwarted by my flatmate thus extinguishing any prior hope of escape. The marvelous Mr Marvin stepped in though with a mere suggestion, and a few words in the correct ears when a job arose within the Technical Dept in MK.
I guess a bright light was turned on. And I saw the end of the tunnel. Opportunistic Grum took pole position in my conciousness, I went for the interview, and within 3 days of being offered the job, I'd moved 400 miles south.
Now, said job has had equal benefits as annoyances so don't let me portray the experience as bad. It's been good. Infact, the whole thing was well-timed and a good move. A detour to an extent -- I never wanted to be in MK, just outta Stirling -- but a very educational one.
I've done a whole lot more work on QA than I have in years. Even though I'm still lost and I'm unsettled by a uncertain future, I reckon I'm thinking slightly more clearly. I'm more confident. I've begun to think about the bigger picture ocassionally.
I had cosmetic surgery this year. Not gonna expand any further :p
I've had an interesting year all in all. I'm not content. I want said boy but I don't think I give him enough to want me back. I've become a little bit cocky in my work-life, a little bit big for my boots. I'm as ambitious as ever. I still want to create, produce things that are appreciated. I still want to add to my surroundings. I'm still trying to get there.