Ugh. I hate being the middleman!!!!!!!! Especially when I'm not in the middle! :'( There we go, proclaimed, I'm with Katie and Lindsay. I don't deserve to be placed in the middle. I don't deserve to be interrogated, especially when I don't have the answers, because I'm not the right person to be asking. I don't deserve to be the proxy, just because you know I won't 'go off on one'. I hate feeling like I've somehow let down 'my side' by not knowing stuff. And sides do exist, by association. It's not fair, but that's life. You can't always support everyone, and I should know. I hate vindictiveness. Leaving random notes is vindictive. Saying you haven't done something when you have is vindictive. Pretending to have known nothing when you were in the thick of it, is both vindictive and incredible. [A certain (undeleted) txt felt vindictive.] Being drunk is not an excuse. 'It wasn't my fault' isn't an excuse, especially because by standing by and watching you are effectively condoning the activity, especially when you were actually involved. Leaving out details, to make yourself look better, is pathetic. (Prank fone calls are pathetic too, while I'm ranting). I miss Yvie. I miss Bex. I miss Rhona. I miss Alana. I miss Jen. I miss people I shouldn't. I miss old Edin friends. I'm stressed. I'm "sick of the exterior." I'm tired. I'm worn-out. People don't deserve the benefit of the doubt.
The world is full of megatwats and wankers. Oh yeah, and whoever is responsible for almost burning Edinburgh's Cowgate to the ground should be sentenced to life. Disclaimer: No one person will understand all this. This rant is primarily to get stuff straight in my head, and to get stuff out my system. It's the way I work. I build stuff up then explode. At which point I finally understand what I'm thinking. There was no one to explode to this time, so the website got it. Apologies.
When written, I was listening to: Foo Fighters - One By One
Graham's blog: politics, poetry, and introspection