Graham of Anywhere

Graham's blog: politics, poetry, and introspection

Belonging

I've never really found the motivation to build this place or to blog here. I guess it fails to rank on the ole priority scale. Maybe one day it'll grow in significance. In the mean time, I'll use this opportunity to drop in and speak to myself.

I've made a decision. I'm moving out again. Once the lease it up, I'm heading to London. Even though I've never lived there I always find myself thinking about moving back there, as if I've somehow spent enough time in the big smoke to feel like I know it. I don't know it. I know pockets of it. Little areas that I've been drawn back to again and again. It's time to add more perspective and gain a proper knowledge.

I don't feel like I belong in London. That's not why I'm doing this. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. But I specifically don't belong in Glasgow. And London is the only place at the moment that seems like a sensible move. It's a business decision. I think there's a chance I can find my own space and with it, motivation and determination. I need to make a change to try to find those things. And changing locations is the easiest change to make. Maybe it means I can run a little longer, away from whatever it is inside me that prevents me from growing roots. Maybe I can keep running from myself.

Or maybe I'll find myself. I hope to, one day. Come face to face with me, shake hands, and accept each other for what we are. Maybe then I'll find someone else.

But I don't know how to make that happen so I'll focus on the things that I can do. I'll keep trying to build things. I'll keep trying to meet the requirements. I'll keep trying.
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