Another cathartic whinge.
I live in a small town with no opportunities and very little potential. And every day I commute 30 minutes south to the next wee town where I work. I have few friends in either town. And the longer I stay and work in these places, the more resentful I get. It's probably made worse by the fact I'm from Edinburgh originally. I know exactly what I'm missing.
Seems like everything I need at the moment is out of reach. No-one seems to want to give a proper job with a proper salary - story of a graduate, I guess. Without a proper job, I can't get a decent flat in the city. And to an extent I believe the city maybe holds the key to Love. More people to meet, more chance to meet a nice dude.
I have met a fair few guys over the last couple of years who have wanted to go out with me, and with the exception of one, I've turned them all down. And there's a couple of guys from either side of the country who I've kinda lead on at different times along the road - and I'm sorry to them. In the end, I know roughly what I'm looking for, because, again, I've been there and experienced something along the right lines of being perfect.
But, being slightly complex, and being uncomfortable in my own skin, I know that I'll always make my own life more difficult by refusing to take chances. And I know I'm loved, but, just not by the ones I like or love. And I know this is such a standard, age-old problem. It's the stuff of Shakespearean plays. However, this is why I've been single for 16 months. This is why millions of people are lonely. This is why I'm lonely. Coupled, of course, with the fact that I'm forever stuck in this Wicked Little Town.
Graham's blog: politics, poetry, and introspection