Graham of Anywhere
Graham's blog: politics, poetry, and introspection

Which Way Forward?

Hmm it's been a long time since I've really written anything. Anything at all. I used to write lots. Most of it junk, but it was true catharsis. I should get back into the habit.

So. At the time of writing. I've been in Milton Keynes for almost 6 months. After leaving Stirling with haste. A decision I do not regret. I really needed out of that place.

But, again here I am, pondering it all. I'm lost. In need of direction. I really need a shining light. I'm fed up of figuring it all out by myself. I've just been evicted, because my lease is up and my landlord wants to move back in. And in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal and it gives me the opportunity to see if I can find somewhere better to live. On the other hand, I feel like I've been constantly moving for the best part of a decade. I feel like I really need to just stop. I'd love to settle. Buy a house. Well, maybe not that drastic, hehe, but just stay put for a year or so.

And what about fun? What happened to that? It's been a while. I work, and code for QA, and sleep, and ocassionally go for drinks, and otherwise potter about by myself. Alone. And I do have to wonder, did I create this situation deliberately? Very possibly. Much like Pink's "Don't Let Me Get Me", on some level I'm always taking decisions that adversely affect my opportunites. Pain in the ass, really.

Jobwise. Well I like what I do, most of the time. Keeps me occupied, gives me a challenge. But in the long run, I don't wanna do this. I'm not fulfilling my potential, I'm not being as productive as I could be. I'm not inspired.

I'm not inspired.

Which Way Forward? Where to from here? Another 6 months, and there will be another leap I think. Though I'm blind to it all. Give me a guide, help me figure it out.
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B*W*S*   It scares me! And it is not even me!

Hmmm, sounds tuff, real tuff. I hate yet love moving and not being settled down. :p You know love/hate realtionship (like I have with hospitals) oh srry off track.

So you are always moving, don't you have some super hot model boyfriend?! I imagine you would of course! But yeah. You should head to London or something, I have always loved BIG cities. Find a nice guy. Party it up while you are still young, have fun:)

Then later on move with the guy you hopefully found(someone you love and wanna spend your life with)But yeah move with him to a smaller town or stay in London or a big city, settle down where ever, buy a house. Get a good job(we all know you can, you created this for pete's sake)and just be happy, still go out do whatever. Adopt a child if that is your thing.

I don't know if this is ANYTHING like what you might do but it is one way.

I suck at advice srry :p

g*e*t*a*d   Hi Grum,

Glad to hear the move to Milton Keynes went pretty smoothly.

It's fantastic the way you just went down to England.

I would love to, England seems like such a cool place. Although, it would be to difficult going down for interviews / resettling.

I think what you are saying about the whole lack of direction thing is a really big issue with heeps of people our age. It's like you are suddenly on your own two feet, what do i do now.

What is kind of scarey for me is knowing that whatever i do over the next couple of years will probably determine the rest of my life. My mum and dad have always did the same job. I dont think i could ever do that. I certainly can't see it at this stage.

I don't know anything about you to be fair, but i do know one amazing thing you have done in your life, that is QA. It is fantastic what you have built off your original home webpage, and the numbers and community you have built on these boards.

I think in time, especially when you meet the right guy, things will fall into place.
J*r*o*   Yo, Grum!

All of your thoughts and worries are valid, and thusly there's no real good response. Worries are worries, and they pass. If anything, I'd say that the way you're living is natural. Most people in their early twenties -- hell, even through to their early thirties -- relocate a lot. It's the result of a lot of things. One of them is being uninspired by your occupation, as you mentioned. But I seriously doubt ANYone at your age is truly happy with their situation, and, furthermore, I think it's good to be uncomfortable. You need to be. You need to be in that space of mind where you're flexible and can move around -- you're supposed to leave yourself open to opportunities; something you couldn't do if you settled down.

Just think of it as a long, long transition. You may find that an opportunity arrives tomorrow, or the next day, or that special guy appears, or not. It's important to not look at it as if you're waiting for ONE oppotunity, and then that's it. No. It's about looking for one opportunity, and then the next, and then the next. It's about gaining experience and structure, and learning all the things you don't like in this world, one by one; and all the things you do.

Just keep truckin' and try not to gorge yourself on ramen, ok?


T*a*a*o*A*g*l   Give your self a new goal to aim for. For ever be striving to be more than you are. Join a martial arts club, thats what i did. It gives you milestones, whilst helping to keep you fit.
Thought about futhering your degree. Or doing another one?
As for fun, come to leicester, theres always something to do, which generally involves people getting drunk. and me cooking everyones food cause im not.

(please excuse the really bad grammar)