I'm really not a socialite. I'm an introvert who always ends up in social scenarios, talking to the people. It's difficult. Because I really ain't that great with the spoken word, I ain't witty and I'm certainly not a fast thinker. Give me to time to write it all down, and I'm fine.
It's bizarre then, that I choose jobs and projects that require heavy communication. Though I guess it does explain why I still love the idea of going back to (cinema) projection - working with machines rather than people, where you can just work away and keep yourself to yourself when you're in the that kinda mood.
But in the end, I have a drive to be more involved in what's going on around me. I like to be in the position where I can make the decisions, where I can make things happen. Typically though, those kinds of people are the ones who are true socialites. They move with ease through groups of people and can fit right in whatever their surroundings. They have all the connections and contacts. I don't feel that I'm that person. Can I be that person?
No, I don't think so. But that's not gonna stop me getting to where I wanna be. I'm quite definitely an indie kid... informal, easy going, unpretentious. I'm the same in every situation. I don't do sport and I don't really do popular culture and I hate reality TV. People aren't always gonna like that. Infact, in London last night, some colleague told me that she was adamantly anti-Scottish. Well. I can't be assed with attitudes like that.
I do have a definite sense of equality. And I really don't feel the need to be anything other than Grum. I reckon that'll help me, not hinder me. That's an important belief I think. I have my own contacts, increasingly anyway, although they are more limited to the ones who are down to earth; the ones who are worth knowing.
On a related note... sometimes it's very easy to feel like a small kid in a big business, slightly out of his depth. But that's purely down to the way I'm treated in my current position. I know I have more to offer. I'm not lacking the self-belief -- I'm lacking the freedom.
Really though, I'm just Sonic The Hedgehog. I'm on a moving platform, waiting for the precise time to jump to the next one. And I'll maybe grab some points en-route. Yeps. Tails isn't with me yet. I wonder if Sonic was sleeping with Tails? Inbetween defeating evil bosses. *Ponders*.
Graham's blog: politics, poetry, and introspection