Things gone by. Things affect everything. I've been out with maybe six or seven guys. Only two of whom really seem to matter in the long term. One hurt me, more than once. And the other, I hurt. And out of those two, there's only one that I ever found myself thinking about. Guess which.
Though these days it's all very different. Still single. Still think about him every so often, even if he never thinks about me. I guess it was an unrequited love.
How that relates to me, now? I'm not so sure. But one thing's for sure, after the years that followed, I'm a whole lot less confident. I was never highly comfortable in my own skin, that's true, but I'm maybe now even less so. Looking around at really hot guys and feeling a sense of impossibility?
Logic says it's not impossible though. Indeed, I remember when I was young, early teens maybe, and I had the same feeling back then. But I found my friends, I found my direction, and I found my feet. I can find my feet again. I've done so many things since then and it seems crazy that I find myself in this place again now.
It's not necessarily about finding your home, or finding the one for you. It's about finding yourself. And trying your very best not to lose sight of that. And the rest will follow.
Graham's blog: politics, poetry, and introspection