Contextual ConfidenceI often wonder about my ability to fit in with the professional types, especially in the south of England where the style is hard and pretentious. It's clearly not my style as I'm right at home with friendly, easy going attitudes. The consequence of course is that I'm forever pondering the perception question. What exactly do they make of me? The laid back Scotsman with a quasi-professionalism and vague disregard for the hierarchy? Perhaps they are as dismissive of my chilled style as I am disillusioned by their management style.
One thing's for sure, these differences are difficult to overcome and I have a distinct lack of confidence in my position within the Head Office structure. Overall though, I am not an unconfident person; it's just within Cine and yeah, to a degree, with boys too. It's all about the context. Perhaps what I'm saying is that if you can't change the context, you've gotta learn to fit in with it or indeed, find another. That doesn't fit in with the boys issue, but it certainly does when it comes to the location or the workplace. They're changeable and you can affect that change.
I really need to find a company with a very different set of ideals. Ideally, that company would be one I could help grow and shape. I wasn't born to be directed or controlled. Unsure of my abilities as a leader though; I've never had to the opportunity to really test myself. I would like that opportunity though. I need to find myself at the beginning of something. I'm looking for the start.